Valentine’s Day Edition: How to Successfully Fail at Relationships.

To be honest, Valentine’s Day doesn’t excite me. You know what day does? Good ole Friday… now that’s a day! But… I come in peace and you lovers should paint the town red. I had a great time writing this and, I hope you will think of this post as clarity juice.
How to successfully fail at relationships.
Are you wondering why things aren’t working out in your situationship or relationship? Am I talking to you?
If you answered ‘yes’ then you my friend are in the right place. If you answered ‘no’ then you my friend are in the right place at the wrong time. All are welcome.
I am here to shine a light on a few things to help you (maybe) understand why you might be having some serious issues in your relationships and find solutions how to fix it (if solutions is what you want). I’m on your side and trust me this advice comes from a few successfully failed relationships. I am your girl and therefore we can can’t go wrong.
Now, if you or your partner/significant other, lover, potential, is doing any of these things, you’re in luck and you’re guaranteed 100% success rate at a successfully and wonderfully failed relationship. OR if you’ve been wondering where things went wrong, I hope you’ll find an answer in this little guide. And, if you don’t find an answer, remember this ‘people are crazy’ and that answer is always enough.

Always assume, what is evidence?

Do it. Jump girl jump. Don’t even hear out the other person. His phone was ringing and he didn’t pick up? He isn’t in a hospital or being mugged, I’ll tell you that. It has to be Becky with the bad hair. Get ready to go crazy, build the paranoia and mistrust and if this doesn’t give you results then I don’t know what will.

Always hide your feelings

Be dishonest about how you feel. What has vulnerability ever done for you anyway? So what if the other person knows how you feel? What’s going to change? Keep bottling those feelings inside because it brings you so much joy.
Of course we all know dialogue helps us to understand each other, why we act the way we do, it helps us find ways to better communicate and get solutions to the things hindering progress in relationships. But who needs that? Not you. Right?

By all means settle for less 

Oh I know honey, you don’t want to ruffle feathers. Things are going well. So what if you talk once a week. Yes, you feel ignored, you don’t feel like a priority. You always respond timely but he/she takes four days to respond. I mean he must be in transit. The distance between the moon and earth is *insert scientific word*. S/he is so busy, and yet somehow the president of the free world aka Trump has time to tweet. But you buy all  the excuses because when it’s good it’s good.
And, how about that time you supported all his/her crazy dreams, but when you needed them to show up, they were a no show.
And, then that other time they asked you out on a date, and 15 minutes to the date they cancelled.
You: Oh what are you doing Tom? (sorry Tom, only name that came to mind)
Tom: Ah man, stuff came up, you know? Jerry and all. But will you be out tonight? I can see you then for a bit (10 seconds in a loud disco, great place for conversations).
You weren’t even trying to go out that day but now you find yourself looking for spanks. Why? Because we want whatever doesn’t make time for us.

You do not need R.E.S.P.E.C.T – is that a type of chocolate?

You don’t need respect from those you’ve chosen to be with. Right? Love is all you need. Respect? What is that? Some people can’t even prononce it.
Every healthy relationship requires respect but you don’t even like veggies and it sounds like something a vegan would be into. Nope.
What does respect look like in a relationship?
Expressing your opinions and those opinions being taken seriously.
Respect each other’s values, independence, boundaries and jobs.
Respect one’s freedom to be who they’ve been created to be.
Respect allows for people to make decisions together. It’s not like the United Nations. ‘Just us 5 and the rest of you can go eat Pringles.’ (Not a Pringle ad)
To have a failed relationship, you don’t need respect. By all means stay away from someone who pulls respect out of their portfolio.
There are many more ways to fail, but these four are guaranteed to fast track your relationship to failure paradise. Stay on track with these and you will succeed.

Meanwhile guys, all jokes aside. This is something that none of us should accept from people you’ve trusted your heart with. Psychological abuse. This is so real.
Many young girls find themselves in relationships where they are fearful and intimidated and because that’s the love they know, they accept it.
Psychological abuse is frightening and is as devastating as physical abuse.
Please look out for these signs of psychological abuse that include but not limited to;
  • Emotional bullying
  • Yelling
  • Swearing at the person
  • Deliberate isolation
  • Threats
Don’t feel unsafe, talk to someone and by all means cut the cord. Your life is precious and you should fill it with people who love and care for you. And, if you don’t think you have a person who loves and cares for you, then you’re going to have to be brave and be that person for yourself.
Enjoy Valentine’s Day and, may you get all the love and flowers.
Ps. Dentists are also celebrating so hard!
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