What does it mean to live fully with grace? To enjoy every moment? To live your life? I have been reading a lot of books on the “life” subject. Thoughts about rightful living have been my daily companions. The other day I almost walked into a wall, thinking my brains out! I don’t know if I have lived my life the way God envisioned. By God’s grace I have accomplished a few of my life goals and that makes me content, but when you meet a well learned and accomplished lawyer who demands to know your next step in life, what’s the right response? “I want to take a year off after my degree so I can see the world for what it is, and then go back to university for further studies if it is as harsh a world as everybody makes it out to be.” she looked at me, and I could read judgement in her eyes because to her I lacked direction. Maybe i did, maybe i didn’t…
What’s so wrong with a year off? I’ll be done with mandatory school plus I have the perfect plans for my year off. I will take cookery classes to acquire the right skills for when I get married and have children,(I know I am going to be a career woman but I don’t want to abandon my duties) I don’t want my family to be eating out, in this economy we need to save as much money as we can. I will be superwoman. I will then be reunited with my old friend “french” and we will kick it off from where we had left. I will learn french inside out till I can dream in it…oh yes, travel! I haven’t been to most parts of Africa, I think I owe it to myself to educate self on the mystery that is Africa. I will then tackle my social skills which by the way are a total disaster! So I will meet lots of new people, we will have tea with hot scones, late lunches filled with “what?me too!” I will certainly invest in that. I am spoilt for choice!
Haven’t we all lived according to what society has drawn out for us? Nursery, primary, secondary, university, employment, marriage, children and death. Most of us have studied nightmares of courses because that’s what our parents wanted. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important that we honour our parents wishes as tuition flows from their bank accounts and they only want the best for us, but when do we stop and take control? Do we live our lives with grace in what is already set out for us? Or do we live our lives with grace in what we choose for ourselves?
I don’t have the answers, I haven’t exactly lived gracefully. I do try, but I haven’t wrapped my finger around the whole concept. I find myself worrying about the future, complaining about the wrongs in this world, plans to save the whole world like as if it were really up to me, critically thinking about everything. Like seriously, if the “dwellers” club was created, I would vote myself as chairman of the club and second my vote because I dwell on issues like I were earning my livelihood from it. No, I haven’t lived gracefully or lived in the moments.
On the bright side, I am starting to reorganise my life, seeking after God’s heart and letting Him be in control regardless of my persnickety character. Listening and seeking advice because sometimes even I get it wrong. Letting life fall in place and learning to live a little without pulling out my “10 step ahead programme”. We don’t know what the future holds, but we shall not be shaken. Uncertainty lingers, but there’s really no need for alarm…maybe living with grace is letting God set out that life which He predestined for us. At least we have something to wait upon!