When you find yourself, your true self, you start to want better out of life. You desire better not only for yourself but also for everyone around you. Until you are comfortable with the person you are, you will always be fighting with a million other people for second best. I am quite the shy person, and this has been my faithful burden among many others over the many years. When I was a young girl, I never spoke up in class, never put my hand up…quite frankly I never understood why I was in class to begin with! I just always preferred to let people talk lest I am made fun of. Insecurities do attack us at an early age and it doesn’t help if there’s no one to help you through the “transition ages”.
I don’t know how many people can relate to this but secondary school, I could never take my sweater off, I let the sun roast me to fine coal and denied myself fresh air. I honestly just didn’t think my body was made for any fabric. Who do you confide in with all these intricate issues when everyone around you is going through the same exact situation? So we start to evolve, our bodies start to gain some commendable shape, some of us grow tall, some…not so much but we all grow.
What we don’t realise is that, we still have our childhood insecurities by our sides, we still seek attention like little babies, still selfish, and we still take people down because our hearts are empty by running our mouths with thoughtless words that cut deep. We are not saints but that shouldn’t be our excuse. We are insecure because we are not comfortable with who we really are plus many other reconcilable factors, so this frustration builds up and we lose sight of ourselves.
Take time off regularly to find yourself every time you lose balance. we are always in need of reinvention. I for example, find pleasure in eating alone, I know some people would die before that happened and that’s very understandable but I use these alone times to reflect on my life, what could be done better, try to remember all the constructive criticisms plus I get to eat in whatever manner I please without being judged. I do live for such dates with myself. I find that I am most honest when I am with myself and I like that a lot.
I am still a bit shy, the difference is I have learned to be comfortable with myself and not burden those close to me with my cross, One must do more than survive in this world of ours. I made a choice to want better in life. I found myself, and I appreciate that I have a body that shouldn’t be stuffed to death with sweaters although I have a closet full of non cashmere sweaters. I can put my hand up for an hour if I wanted to after all opinions are not facts. And how to deal with big crowds and group conversations? Just laugh and nod all the time…if a person wants your opinion on a subject, they will ask you directly. There’s no need to compete with everyone for talking space as if it’s a campaign for chairman!
Psalms 139:14, (NIV) I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.